I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
