bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
