a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
