Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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