you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
