Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
