I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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