He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
