This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
