If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
