I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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