4 words: hood of his car
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
