the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
