i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
