what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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