Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
