I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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