I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
