my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
