I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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