Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
