my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
