One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
