somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
