This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
