Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
