I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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