just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
