Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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