To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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