The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
