Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
