Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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