saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
