Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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