hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
