Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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