after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
