i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
