I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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