i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
