My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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