I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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