you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
