Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
