I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
