So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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