I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
