he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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