I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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